So think hard about what it is you might not want to be thinking about, the impending death of a parent or other loved one, financial troubles, whatever
Whenever you start thinking about the neighbor, think about the thing you’re probably avoiding and then let it go. posted by Ironmouth at PM on [9 favorites]
You’ll probably hate this advice, but I generally find that the easiest way for me to get over a crush – perhaps especially those of the potentially dangerous “omg-I’m-SO-attracted” variety – is to tell my partner. Yup. . And, conversely, can also build intimacy with your partner.
“Honey. I have something on my chest I need to share with you.. Understand that I love you very much and our marriage means the world to me. And that’s why I need to talk with you about this insane crush I have ..”
This really depends on what kind of relationship you have, but I would also tell my partner
You can (and should) still pursue therapy .. But consider making the crush something you and your partner think through together.
As far as wanting sex .. Totally normal. Also normal not to want a sexless marriage. I tend to think the crush is a distraction from this fundamental issue. If you agree, you can even tell your husband the same thing. posted by Gray Skies at PM on [4 favorites]
By fretting over these feelings, trying to suppress them, using “all the tools at your disposal” to “curb” this crush, you are actually causing yourself to focus on them even more. Far better to accept that this is something your hormones and your brain happen to be doing at the moment. It’s not a catastrophe, & it doesn’t make you a bad person. Even sleeping with your neighbour would probably not mean you were a bad person. It would, however, cause a great deal of harm, & that’s what you should try to avoid. (more…)