“Life is waiting for you. It’s all messed up but we’re alive. Life is waiting for you. It’s all messed up but we’ll survive.”

-Jay Leno

“Now there are more overweight people in America than average-weight people. So overweight people are now average – which means, you have met your New Year’s resolution.”

-Bart Simpson

Aren’t we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas?
You know… the birth of Santa.

-Eleanor Roosevelt

“Learn from the mistakes of others. You can’t live long enough to make them all yourself.”

-Charlotte Whitton

“How is it that one match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box of matches to start a campfire?”

-Confucius